(250)

    Potassium chlorate + sulfur + pestle = exploded mortar but no severly injured students.

(58)

    Johnny was a chemist's son
But Johnny is no more.
What Johnny thought was H2O
Was H2SO4

(40)

    I used a 4 liter glass flask to collect the waste from my DNA synthesizer. The flask overfilled and had liquid on the outside when I went to empty it. I made the mistake of setting the flask on the floor and it glued itself to the floor. I decided to get it off the floor by lightly tapping a wedge under the flask. Apparently three taps are required to invoke the flask cracking gods. The whole floor to my small lab filled with stinky DNA waste. I spent the rest of the day with Hazmat.

(38)

    One of the former DNA lab shift supervisors used a small conference room near the HR office on multiple occasions for his sexual relations with not only the manager he was dating, but with several other employees as well. Of course the manger was known for her improprieties as well, so there is no need to feel sorry for her. The funny thing is that the new HR guy from the parent company thought that these were 2 role model employees when all the while this was going on right outside his office.

(36)

    One day while I was working with a spectrophotometer in my lab when a co-worker walked in wearing a complete cowboy get-up. He proceeded to challenged me to a pipetting race. Not being one to back down, I decided why not. Half-way through our pipetting race he managed to distract me enough that I lost my place and ruined our results, thereby costing our company a fortune. Luckily the boss was more concerned with the "cowboy" than me.

(25)

    Top Ten ways to get thrown out of chemistry lab 10. Pretend an electron got stuck in your ear, and insist on describing the sound to others. 9. Give a cup of liquid nitrogen to a classmate and ask, "Does this taste funny to you?" 8. Consistently write three atoms of potassium as "KKK." 7. Mutter repeatedly, "Not again... not again... not again." 6. When it's very quiet, suddenly cry out, "My eyes!" 5. Deny the existence of chemicals. 4. Begin pronouncing everything your immigrant lab inst

(21)

    Our lab was involved with genetic testing of anonymous samples. The results were used by our clients to select animals for further experimentation. The genetic tests were set up by hand using an 8-channel pipettor. However, on one occasion, the technician made a mistake while transferring DNA from the source plate to the PCR plate. The tech took DNA from one column twice. This meant that the results were duplicated for 2 sets of 8 samples. The mistake was not noticed and results were issued to the client. The client went on to use certain animals for 3 months of experimentation before realizing that the results did not make sense, based on the types of animals used. This was an expensive mistake resulting in significant wasted time and money on expensive experiments that will have to be repeated. Not only did the client suffer, but our company lost that client and it will take time to recover our tarnished reputation.

(20)

    while labeling chemicals, i didn't notice that the label printer was printing the same label for every bottle. Almost four hundred chemicals were labeled as dihydrogen monoxide.

(19)

    I drank a six pack once prior to performing four westerns...somehow the results were the cleanest I've ever achieved. Hooray for EtOH!!

(16)

    Late one night I was plating out some bacterial cells. For good sterile technique, I poured some ethanol in a dish to flame the spreader. Well, I accidentally touched the rim of the 100% ethanol bottle with my bare hands and I became worried that I might have contaminated it. I thought I better flame the rim it to be sure... When the ethanol vapor ignited inside the plastic bottle, the bottle became so instantaneously hot that I dropped it. Flaming ethanol spread across bench and floor....

(16)

    Today, my chemistry class was conducting an experiment using fire and different chemicals which produce different flames. Towards the end of the period, my teacher said that if any group could make a purple-sparkle flame, he would award them extra credit. I happened to look down at my chemistry book and the correct chemicals for the extra credit flame were handwritten in. I tried it, and extra credit was awarded to my group. Thank you, half-blood prince.

(15)

    A senior lab supervisor labeled the foil lid for her sample micro titer plates but didn't label the plate underneath. She gave the samples for someone else to finish when she went on vacation and the technician disposed of the lid without noting the information written on it. No one could tell what was in the plate anymore.

(15)

    A PhD in our lab numbered 10 vials from 0 to 9 instead of 1 to 10 and then couldn't remember if the samples he transferred corresponded to their number (1 to 1, 2 to 2, ...10 to 0) or if he started with zero (0 to 1, 1 to 2, etc.). The costly experiment was ruined.

(14)

    While performing routine inventory checks at our lab, it became apparent that $10,000 worth of Taq polymerase was missing. Heads were rolling, scouring the building refrigerators and freezers looking for the lost chemicals to no avail. A few days later a technician in our lab came to me, the supervisor, and said that she had information regarding a mistake made by another technician. She begged me not to tell where I had received the info, but she said that the missing Taq had been thrown away by mistake by another girl who thought it was a buffer we didn’t use. She confused the similar colors of the vial caps. The dilemma now was in knowing who told the truth and what could be done to remedy the situation. I passed the information along to my boss and nothing was ever done about it to my knowledge.

(13)

    I forgot to wash off my Gram's stain with alcohol, but used the results anyway to continue with my testing.

(13)

    A technician in our lab pipetted the wrong control probe to one of the microarray printing plates because of a mistaken assumption. The arrays were printed and failed QC, costing the company thousands of dollars.

(12)

    A technician in our lab manually pipetted into a 384-well plate in the wrong well, in an effort to correct a robotic error. The printing plate and thus the printed arrays were incorrect and unable to be sold, costing the company an account. The technician was moved into a job with much less responsibility.

(10)

    I was looking for a drosophila strain that was in an incubator. I opened the door the incubator, and a mercury thermometer fell to the floor and broke. I tried not to inhale the toxic fumes, but freaked out and did not want to admit my mistake. I told a nearby lab's professor that there was a strange smell coming from the incubator, investigated it with her, and hoped that she would see the broken thermometer. She now has brain cancer. Just kidding about the cancer thing, but I still feel bad.

(8)

    My lab partner came back from a 'smoke break' smelling of marijuana.

(7)

    I work in a lab that pipets on a daily basis. One rigorous day, I was pipeting with my iPod playing in my ears, and I lost my spot because I was concentrated on writing my formula while listening to my music. The solution I was making was comprised from many expensive chemicals and I did not want my coworkers to know that I had cost the group thousands of dollars. I kept pipeting and the project that we were working on ended up so badly errored that we were all put on probation.

(7)

    Top 10 way to get thrown out of a lab. 10: Pretend an electron got stuck in your ear, and describe the sound to others. 9: Give a cup of liquid nitrogen to a partner and ask them how it tastes. 8: Consistently write 3 atoms of potassium as KKK. 7: Mutter repeatedly "not again...". 6: During a lull cry out, "My eyes"! 5: Deny the existence of chemicals.

(7)

    Recently I was staining some cross sections of some rodent brains for a neural nitric oxide study. It required the use of several expensive antibodies (a few thousand dollars). After I finished the stains came out great. I left the box of antibodies on a desk for over a week. The entire box is unusable now.... I am just an undergrad, so I have been disciplined and demoted.... Awesome!!!

(4)

    We were using potassium nitrate in the lab and boiling it to test reactions but i added some sugar baking powder and food colouring powder and made a MASSIVE smoke bomb (it was heated)

(2)

    I was shot by a nerf gun in a lab.

(1)

    One long and tiring day, I was pipetting samples as usual in the RNA lab for hour upon hour, trying to determine gene expression values for clients, when I suddenly realized that I no longer knew into which well I had just pipetted the rare and valuable sample. To my horror, this meant that if I had not placed the sample correctly, it would have contaminated another rare and valuable sample, meaning two mistakes were made instead of one. Possibly. There was no way to tell. I elected to tell my boss, who managed to forgive the error and not fire me.

(0)

    The students in our lab were not allowed to pour the BSA media from the tissue culture class supply vial. One day when the professor was not around, I took some, under sterile conditions, and replaced the vial.

(0)

    I was making buffers on a large scale, 1500 liters, wearing my full face respirator. This entailed pouring large amounts of LiOH powder into the tank. I forgot to put the "keep out" sign on the door. Next thing I know I hear someone coughing and asking what am I doing???

    The one day i didn't wear closed-toe shoes in the lab, i spilled eight ounces of sulfuric acid on my foot.

    5. Deny the existence of chemicals. 4. Begin pronouncing everything your immigrant lab instructor says exactly the way he/she says it. 3. Casually walk to the front of the room and urinate in a beaker. 2. Pop a paper bag at the crucial moment when the professor is about to pour the sulfuric acid 1. Show up with a 55-gallon drum of fertilizer and express an interest in federal buildings.

    A technician working the night shift figured out that he could throw out purification cartridges rather than actually do the purification work and he would still get paid. This when on for about a month until customers reported their purified??? products were not working like they once did. Upon testing returned products the night supervisor was made aware of this issue and caught the technician in the act. He was fired and the company had to remake all the products sold for free.

    I think the odd results of our experiment was due to my leaving the samples too long in the waterbath. Don't tell anyone though or there'll be lab politics!

    [meth+heroin]lab = bearable